(Pregnancy) Hormones and Miscarriage

I apologize in advance that I am completely unwilling to pretend that I know all of the scienmatific names of all of the pregnancy hormones that especially play into natural pain relief during labor and delivery.  (I’ve had a glass & a half of wine and am keeping my daughter company while she watches “Happy Feet” aka “Penguin Movie”.)

Since my very recent (current?) miscarriage, I have been voraciously reading on the internet.  I was telling a friend today that while my body is “purging” so unceremoniously, that my mind is going through a completely different healing process.  I’m fired up.  I’m mad.  I’m a feminist (well, I have been for a while) with a bra to burn.  And I can’t distance myself from pregnancy and childbirth issues even though I’m no longer pregnant.

So what does this have to do with the title of my post?  Perhaps nothing?  I read an interesting post about “Good Birth Hormones” over at Empowering Birth Blog, and it got me to thinking . . . not that mine is a particularly well-crafted post . . . about hormones in miscarriage.

Monday I cracked.  Or cracked up.  My dear husband left work to comfort me.  He called my GP’s nurse.  From what I gather, I’m going through post-partum depression.  Well, isn’t that dandy.  And it’s normal.  There is not nearly enough information out there about the emotional effects of miscarriage.  For some reason, people are still less likely to talk about miscarriage.  I imagine Emily Post would consider the topic quite inappropriate!

I still need to post my miscarriage experience – the x-rated version – over at Mothering’s forum.  But let me tell you the bad and ugly that comes with miscarriage hormones . . . at least what I experienced.

I decided to call Meadowsweet Herbs for some advice on homeopathic healing for my uterus.  I couldn’t find my phone, and as I searched my messy house (just returned from vacation), I began to . . . I don’t know . . . panic or something.  I was sobbing and experiencing shortness of breath.  I was in a panic and couldn’t find my durned phone.  How silly.  I realized that if I couldn’t find my phone that I couldn’t call Meadowsweet Herbs, and if I couldn’t find my phone that I couldn’t get a hold of my husband.  So I started to panic because I wasn’t going to be able to tell him that I was having some sort of “freak out attack”.

So, I can’t find my phone.  I can’t call the herb store.  I can’t call my husband.  Maybe I can get on verizon’s website and find a way to text him?  Damn!  I can’t remember my password.  (Gasp gasp sob sob)  Maybe one of my December Darlings can call my phone so I can find it or maybe they’ll call my husband and tell them that I’m freaking out.

I did eventually gather enough wits about me to find my stupid cell phone and call my husband.  I spent most of the day weeping and sobbing.  I didn’t want to eat.  I only wanted pills and alcohol (no, not proud of it).  Each day has been different.  One day I’m incredulous.  The next day I’m sad.  Another day I’m more pragmatic.

Caution here!  This is my experience which may be radically different from anyone else’s experience with miscarriage or neonatal death.  Postpartum depression after miscarriage is a risk for some women, and it can be deadly.  Here is an article that I just read that was helpful.  Just know that going from a pregnant to a non-pregnant state accompanying a loss is [insert hyperbole] traumatic to your body, mind, and soul.  Each part of you will need extra care and nourishment.

Body
I was talking to my mom this afternoon.  She raised her concern that my OB’s office didn’t want to see me right away.  I have no reason to believe at this time that my body isn’t capable of repairing itself.  My breasts no longer feel full.  My pants are fitting better now.  I don’t have a fever, excessive bleeding, or other warning signs of trouble.  I trust that my body knows what to do.  I will see a CNM in a few weeks since I’m due for my yearly and because I want to try and conceive again as soon as possible.

Mind
As I previously stated, I’ve been dedicating an enormous amount of time to research and on-line discussion of pregnancy-related topics.  I’m quite passionate about cesarean awareness and VBAC advocacy and am gearing up to become more involved in these issues.  Thank God that the academic year hasn’t begun yet.  I don’t know how I could have managed my teaching and other academic responsibilities while going through this.

Soul
My poor soul – it aches.  It needs attention.  The miscarriage’s affect on my soul is one that I haven’t been ready to deal with.  I sort of have a plan.  When my body feels better, I’ll do some yoga.  When my mind is less angry I’ll pray more and meditate (the Rosary has been particularly helpful for me in times of trial).  I pray every night now, but I wouldn’t say that these prayers are bringing any comfort.  I don’t know what to really pray for – sure the generic “stuff” like healing, comfort, success next time, health, blah blah.  But I don’t feel spiritually connected right now. 

I’ll let you know how things progress.  Every day since my miscarriage brings new emotions, thoughts, rationals, pains, pangs.

One last loosely related statement.

I HATE BEING A STATISTIC YET AGAIN!
I guess I should flesh that out . . . perhaps tomorrow.

44 responses to “(Pregnancy) Hormones and Miscarriage

    • Kat this was a while ago I see. For me it was just less than week ago. I lost my 2nd. baby to the unexplained darkness of a miscarriage.

      The doctors say not to blame yourself that it was not your fault but yet they can’t give you any direct answers as to why it happened.

      To all the women out there who has gone through this. Stay strong and
      take care of yourself. Peace be with you.

      • There is still SO MUCH doctors don’t know about loss. Especially regular OBs. I had to find a reputable specialist. That’s what allowed me to finally maintain pregnancies. Take care!!!

  1. Ouch girl, your experience brings it all back so fresh. I remember, a few weeks after my first miscarriage, I was in the bathroom trying to get ready for work. For some reason, my daily routine of putting on makeup & fixing my hair became too overwhelming for me. My husband walked past the bathroom door only to find me crumpled up on the floor in a tiny ball, sobbing hysterically in my suit and heels. I somehow made it to work, but that week was horrible, and I found myself sobbing in my car after meetings & not being able to keep my shit together. The hormone crash after a m/c is very real & very disturbing. It is hard enough to weather with a newborn, but when you experience a loss, it is a hollow, raw experience.

    Hang in there—you are not alone & you are powerful….

  2. Thank you for sharing that Jeannine. I have to believe that these trials make us stronger as women and even more tender as mothers. I appreciate my daughter in new ways now. I haven’t felt this intensely close and vulnerable to my husband in YEARS. So, it can’t all be for naught.

  3. Pingback: I Am Perfectly Pregnant « The Trial of Labor

  4. WOW…OMG! I have just endured the same EXACT experience! My boyfriend of 18 months, who I was completely in love with me, had broken up me twice prior to my pregnancy. Then I had a miscarriage while I was on a business trip in Costa Rica and he broke up with me again a week later!

    I’ve been the hatefulest, most evil person since then. I physically attacked him and then though I must be mad…I must be…I don’t behave this way!

    Oh! Thanks! My friends and family said it was probably hormonal, but you helped set it straight for me!!! Thank you!!!

  5. Sorry…obviously, I was a bit emotional when I wrote that….I meant who I was completely in love with and who I thought was in love with me…

  6. Synthia, you’re fine – don’t worry about what you wrote. I’m glad that what I posted was of some comfort to you. Take care!
    ~ Kimberly

  7. I miscarried before I knew I was even preg. I dont know if it makes it easier or worse not to have known prior. Im angry and looking to pick a fight one minute then sobbing in my husbands arms the next. we werent trying to get preg. and it wouldnt be the best timing but im unable to control the want of having a baby now. Its been less then a week and i need to recover physicaly and most importantly emotionaly. Im torn. I cant think of anything else. Ive started crying just walking past the babie secition of department stores. Im trying to be logical and calm but my mind is a reck. I told my husband that sense we werent trying to have a baby that I dont wany to tell any of our family. Is that healthy for me¿ i dont want to relive it all.

    • Christina, you need to do whatever you feel is necessary to honor your loss and then begin to move on. Reliving the experience will slow down your healing process. If you don’t want to tell your family about it, then don’t. Protect yourself. Nourish yourself. Heal.

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
      ~ Kimberly

  8. I love this blog because it makes me feel like i am not alone…or crazy. I had two miscarriages in 7 months, gained 12 pounds, and was a psycho mess. My husband and I decided to wait a few months to try again. We have a 2 year old precious little girl that we are so thankful for. I had severe menstrual cycles after my last D&C so my OB put me back on birth control to regulate. My mind is better and my periods are not painful. The pounds, well, still not off. Dealing with the losses was really hard as a working Mom. I really felt that I used my job as the get away and became very protective of my daughter. We’re a little hesitant to start trying to conceive again, but will pray for the best.

    • I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. No one deserves this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel… maybe you can’t see it yet, but it’s there. ))) HUGS! (((

    • Hiko, I’m sorry you’re going through this too but am glad you found my post helpful for you at this time.
      Take care,
      Kimberly

  9. Hey this blog has helped in so many ways. I know now Im not alone, I had a miscarriage 4 weeks ago and I still feel like I am a lieunatic at times, im mad one day then the next Im happy go lucky then I am upset.. I feel like Im on a roller coaster ride. And my hubby, bless his heart, hes been so great.. I am trying to find me a new doc and I cant get in anywhere, my yearly checkup is coming up and every OBGYN I try to go to just doesnt work. How long do you usually feel like this???? I want to get back to normal and be my old self…
    Thanks!!! Becky

  10. THANK YOU! It is nice to know I am not alone. I had a miscarriage 5 weeks ago when I was nearly 6 weeks pregnant and have been a mess since. I abused klonopin and as a result neglected my 5 year old twin daughters, lost my job and my boyfriend broke up with me. I was a complete mess and am still trying to recover. Thank you for posting this.

  11. Pingback: Good Articles On Miscarriage and PPD - Miscarriage Support Forum

  12. Thanks heaps… It’s nice to know that I’m not crazy. My husband, as great as he is, can’t understand why I was such a wreck this week ( 2 weeks after miscarriage at 18 weeks), when i was ok when the event happened. I am the same with everyone, okay one day i am very upbeat, very positive, the next day i am a blubbering mess, then i’m very angry, then i’, pragmatic..
    how long will this be???

    Also, this time is worse than last time ( last year i m/c at 6 weeks). Could it be because of the hormon was more this time around?

    anyway, thanks

  13. I had a miscarriage a week ago yesterday, it started out with heavy bleeding and clotting, but I did not pass it all on my own so last Wednesday I had to have a D&C. I think this made it harder because for me it made it offical. I was exactly 11 weeks pregnant when i had my D&C. I know that I was not that far along, but my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 6 years. I have PCOS so I was always told I would never get pregnant on my own, then one day I did. I was shocked, but at the same time scared. I had what they called an ablighted ovum, which means there was a sac but no baby. Now I iknow that when I had my m/c there was no baby but I beleive in my heart at one point in my pregnancy there was a baby. This is just really hard on me. When I came out of surgery I started crying asking for my baby. I am on an emotional rollercoaster right now. One day I am fine, then like today I just want to cry and not get out of bed. Luckly i have a 3 year old stepson that I am raising and he is the reason I get up everyday. I am going to give myself time to heal, but i deal with depression any way and I want to try to cope with this so I don’t have to go back on my medicine, becasue I think my husband and I would like to try again in a couple of months. Does this sound normal? Also, I feel guilty about grieving because there are so many women out there who have given birth then lost their babies, and i was only 11 weeks pregnant, should i greive so much or am I just being selfish? Does the pain every go away? Thanks, Angie

  14. By seeing the above comments and the original post, I feel like I am not as crazy as I thought. I had my mc on 4/3. I also just found out I have a cyst on an ovary. I have been more sad, and can’t stand to see anything baby related. Everytime I see a redheaded child (my husband has red hair) I get sad and think of what would have been. They seem to be everywhere now. I just hope the post preg hormones get their stuff straight and I can feel somewhat normal soon.

  15. It feels good to know that I”m also not alone…I had a miscarriage on Feb 14 2010, i’m 25yrs and I still cant get a grip on my emotions…I bled for about a month after my D/C util my doc put me on a high dose of estrogen…That drove me crazy!!!!I was insanely mad one second and then extremely sad..my bf has been really good about this whole thing but i’m starting to feel like he’s not as patient. I been trying to fight this and even went to see a therapist before going on anit-depression and anxiety pills but hionestly i feel like i may have to give in and go the medication way. I was barely starting to feel myself a motn or 2 ago until i got on birth control a few days ago. Now i’m back at square one. I’m a emotional wreck. God bless anyone that has gone through this expirence it’s very hard and takes alot out of you.

  16. Thank you all for your comments. All I can say is that tomorrow will be a new day. You’ll never forget your losses, but hopefully you can move on and learn something from them. My heart goes out to you all.

    Please feel free to keep posting your experiences. Even if I don’t respond directly, know that I do read all of my comments.

    And for those of you who don’t know . . . I did go on to naturally conceive twin girls. However, this followed hysteroscopic surgery and a diagnosis of low progesterone. Keep searching for answers and demand the tests/treatments/procedures you deem necessary. I had a doc refuse to test my progesterone levels. I now know that’s why I kept losing babies.

  17. Just came across this page- I have spent the past few hours searching out hormone changes and levels after a miscarriage and there is very little out there.
    I, too feel crazy and out of control. I know it has to be the hormones and usually I am able to keep myself in check but I am raging pissed. I lost my baby 4 weeks ago and thought I was fine, I did allow myself time to feel the loss and all that. I was sad for a while and then felt better. All of sudden, with no warning, I am pissed. Pissed off at everything and everyone around me. I don’t remember ever hearing about this or expecting anything like this. The Dr. office says its “normal”. That pisses me off.
    Glad I found this site and I am not alone- this helps.
    Nikki

  18. Hi, I have just been trying to research what happens to women emotionally after a miscarriage. I have a friend who has had a miscarriage and thinks that she’s having another now. It seems that she’s just snapped! I don’t know what to tell her or do. She’s left her husband and she has a little boy in the mix too. I feel so bad for her. She’s a beautiful precious person, one that would not usually do something like this. Her husband is heartbroken, and don’t know what to do. I just wonder is there anything a doctor can do to help you? We are all just so heartbroken for this family. Any help would be great. Thank you

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  20. hi, stumbled across this blog…i think it’s incredibly important for women to support each other through miscarriages. i am still in recovery from mine…started on valentines day, and i ended up going to emerg on my birthday(the 16th) to endure child birth contractions, but no baby at the end of it. i was only 9weeks, but it has definitely taken a huge toll on me. my pregnancy was miserable, i spent most of it in bed unable to move without throwing up. i was told many, many times that being sick meant the pregnancy was going good. well, then why was there no heart beat? i don’t know why these things happen, all i know is i feel so incredibly empty and angry. every time i’m by myself, i panic and cry. all i want to do lately is drink, even though i know its bad. my fiance has been incredible through both the pregnancy and now this miscarriage. we have grown closer as a couple, and ive learned to ask for help and then to allow myself to receive it. i’m sorry to brood, but this is all still very fresh. i did have a question though: how long does it take for your abdomen and “insides” to feel normal again? thanks for letting me share my experience, and to every woman out there who has experienced and felt this hollow loss, keep your chin up, we are powerful & strong :)

  21. Thank you so much for your candor!!! I am just going through a miscarriage myself and I am an absolute basket case. I’m “fine” one minute and the next i am curled up in fetal position on the floor sobbing. People keep throwing platitudes at me “everything happens for a reason” “you weren’t that far along” “miscarriages are normal” and telling me not to dwell on it. Well screw them all!! This hurts!! On every level! I applaud you for speaking openly about the “unspeakable” and wish you well on your road to healing.

  22. So I too just came across this site and have to reply. I miscarried a month ago (for the first time that I know of). I was 7 weeks along. Just last week my new menstruation cycle began. I know my body seems to have fully recovered but I was wondering if any of you have experienced postpartum depression. I am usually a naturally happy person and have never had any issues with depression in the past but as my hubby can contest too I have been recently having bouts of what I see as depression. I feel sick when I think about the miscarriage, I am especially sensitive, I cry at the drop of a hat, I feel terrible loneliness, I feel numb at times…basically I’m experiencing heavy emotions all at once and I know it is a serious hormonal imbalance which I have never had before. I’m thinking about seeing someone but was looking for related experiences.

    • Seeing someone might be helpful. You might need counseling and/or short term meds to get through this initially. Hang in there… I always find that getting my period brings it all back to my mind, even now.

  23. I just want everyone to know that I’m still reading. I’m glad that my blog post is still a resource and a source of “support” for those of you experiencing pregnancy losses. My heart goes out to each and every one of you!

  24. Pingback: What Can I Say? | The Trial of Labor

  25. A week later(today) i have to go back to the doctor and let them confirm that there is no growth and i am no longer pregnant.<-that is the first time I've said that. I am glad I stumbled across this article, it made me feel normally unnormal. I panic freak out cry, glad Im not alone. I just want to say thank you.

  26. Thanks for posting this. After seeing a healthy heartbeat twice, I went in for a routine ultrasound on Christmas Eve and discovered that I’d had a missed miscarriage (merry f’ing Christmas). I had a D&C on the 27th, when I would have been 11 weeks, and completely lost it for three days after that (I was a day or two away from my husband bringing me to the hospital for in-patient psych treatment). I was certainly crushed upon finding out about the miscarriage, but have wondered if the D&C had some major hormonal repercussions as my response went from being what I would have considered “normal” (given the circumstances) to extraordinarily depressed (I didn’t engage with anyone or anything for that period of time, and lived off of coffee, water and wine). Four days following the procedure, I woke up and felt as though the fog had lifted entirely: I’m still sad, angry, confused and frustrated at times, but these feelings are not having an impact on my ability to function. The post-D&C crash was a terrifying time for me and my family and a warning that such a collapse could occur would have been helpful. I’m following up with a psychiatrist and therapist just to make sure that I don’t slip back into that hell, but feel as though I’m out of the woods.

    I’m sorry for all of you who have experienced pregnancy loss and wish you the best in your path of healing.

  27. Hi,

    My mother was given a hormone to prevent miscarriage while she was pregnant with me back in 1962. I asked her what the name of it was and she said all she could remember was that it had the Latin word for yellow in it which is Flavus or Flavum.

    My mother’s water broke but she never started contractions so after a certain amount of time she was anesthetized and I was delivered with forceps.

    I am a massage therapist and relationship coach. For about three years I performed a type of prenatal repatterning work with adults who had traumatic births. I am realizing from receiving the work myself and seeing the effect of traumatic births on other people that my birth was very traumatic for me.

    Babies release a hormone that initiates contractions and the birth process. I am interested in finding out if the hormone my mother took interfered with the chemical message I sent in utero.

    Any clue what hormone was. My Mother could have misremembered. It was long time ago.

    Thanks for any help.

    Cliff

  28. So, ive had a miscarriage before. I was kate this month. Now im having symptoms of a miscarriage. Before this started, i started having the feeling of postpartum depression. I have been a crazy woman for almost 2 weeks. I was wondering, do you have to know to get postpartum, or does your body knowing “count”. Im having a nasty grey tissue discharge, with blood vessels and slimy bloody discharges. This has only been going in for 2 days now. A womans body is an amazing creation! We do amazing things with our bodies. Im sure it is, but wanted another opinion, is a womans body so fine tuned that the hormonal processes of miscarriage and postpartum depression so advanced that my mind and body knew before i did that i had another loss, and started reacting before i knew…

  29. i had two miscarriages this year.one in feb and another one just a week ago.. i was 9 weeks..i am so devastated..i do have a beautiful 5 yr old girl in my life but i also want more kids.. waiting to hear back from my midwife about what i can do further..i have been able to relate to your story and hope i have the opportunity to birth vbac and have more babies.god bless you and your wonderful family..

    • I hope your midwife is able to help you sort things out. The holidays make this things even more painful, or at least they did for me, so just know that people (myself included) are thinking about you and wishing you your heart’s desire.

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