I happened upon Bloglines and discovered this:
…the more we know and experience, the stronger we will be…
I was “tagged” by my friend at Empowering Birth Blog. I’m new to this whole tagging game, but since I need to write something today (I start to feel “itchy” when I don’t blog every day), I decided to try and come up with these 10 things that I could possibly love about myself.
I don’t feel so great about my self this week. Miscarriage will do that, I suppose. But soon I’ll be too busy with my university job to think too much about it. Oh I’ll never forget it. Much like I’ll never forget my DD’s birth story (I need to post that sometime soon. I have the “immediately after” version and the “current” reflection which are quite different.)
When I think about the things I might possibly love about myself, I consider my strengths. It’s really funny how strengths and weaknesses are related. Don’t you think?
1. I love that I’m a mother and wife. In my field, marriage (to a certain extent) and children (to a large extent) indicates some lack of commitment (I always try to spell thyis word wrong!) to our Art. I’ve been successful even though I don’t perform 52 weeks a year. Who said I wanted to anyway? Family keep you humble. Having a family helps you set priorities. Having a family is tremendous comfort during the hard times. I wouldn’t have made it through this last month of Hell if it wasn’t for my husband. And I thank God that I have been previously blessed with a child.
2. I love that I have a lot of interests. I’m good enough at a lot of things to never really get very good at anything. (Well, aside from my career speciality.) I enjoy picking things up and revisiting them every so often. It does mean that I have lots of gear cluttering up my closets and garage, a hard time focusing my research efforts, and a lot of half-read books by my bed.
3. I love that I’m open-minded. Give me something new to ponder, and I’ll do it. It doesn’t have to conform, necessarily, to my established beliefs. It doesn’t have to be super liberal or conservative or orthodox or unorthodox etcetera. It just needs to be worth considering and then make sense. I feel sorry for and frustrated with people who are so clouded by their own passion that they can’t keep an open mind.
4. I love that I can take charge of things and make them work. I can easily become an integral part of the organizations with which I work. Granted, I’m more of an idea person than a worker bee, but if I believe in something, I follow through. I’m a good team player and will delegate responsibility once trust has been earned. I don’t have to take credit for everything in order to be fulfilled by my activities, but I do expect credit when it is due.
5. I was journaling at home earlier today. My daughter’s home daycare is literally steps away, and I was able to identify her scream. (They were having a LOT of fun screaming at the tops of their lungs.) I love that I know my daughter’s voice.
6. I love that I’m good at what I do. No, I’m really good at what I do. I’m an accomplished performer and even though I’m at the beginning of my teaching career, I’ve got the talent for that as well. I’m confident in my abilities but always trying to improve them.
7. I love that I’m trusting. I’m thankful that I’m trusting. My husband and I used to spend months apart, so trust was key. I believe that most people have good intentions and hold my best interest at heart. I trust that my body is strong and will work as it was designed. I began to learn this as I took up cycling and backpacking.
8. I love that I feel things very deeply. Sure it causes me a lot of pain. I rejoice in mourning my c-section. I praise God that my unhealthy baby spontaneously miscarried early in the pregnancy. I am miserable yet thankful; tremendously disappointed yet faithful. People who are afraid to feel reject these feelings. They are the ones who say “Get over it.” “You should be happy.”Yada yada.
9. I love that my personal surroundings give me pause. Sometimes I’ll be walking to my car, lift my head, and realize that I live in a beautiful town in an incredible state. Sometimes I look out the window and am awed by the sunrise or sunset. Sometimes I see an unusual flower or weed growing by my house or in the mountains, and I stop to investigate. There is beauty all around me. As I type, the sun is setting, casting shadows across the cool backyard and into the park. The hill above me still basks in the weakening sunlight, and the mountain beyond is dark and still. People are walking their dogs. Neighbors across the trail are having an outdoor party. And it helps me find peace.
10. I love that I can see both sides of an argument. Well, I’m not really talking about the kind of arguments I have with my darling husband. But I very rarely come across an issue or conflict that is cut and dried. Everyone has their own version of a story. I am analytical and tend to question everything. I am always asking myself “Why”. Why did that person make that choice? Why was the issue framed in that particular manner? Why did that action cause the following response? Why why why? (I’m a three-year-old.)
Wow, that was a project. And now I’m realizing that I forgot the thing I like best about myself:
I look younger than my age and act like it too!!
On 7/31/07, Blogger Help <email@example.com> wrote:
Your blog has been reviewed, verified, and cleared for regular use so that
it will no longer appear as potential spam. If you sign out of Blogger and
sign back in again, you should be able to post as normal. Thanks for your
patience, and we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.
The Blogger Team
Yeah, I bet they lost a furtive tear over the trouble they caused me. Here is my response:
To Whom It May Concern,
What is this “Big Brother” bullcrap. You had NO BUSINESS preventing people from reading my innocent blog while you were investigating me. I at least deserve an explanation for WHY I was under review, WHAT steps were taken to “verify” my blog, and WHY it took you so long to clear me for “regular use”.
I recommend that when you decide to accuse people of wrongdoing in the future, that you kindly send them an e-mail alerting them to the fact that you, the Big Brother, will be investigating them. Only when you have verified PROOF of illegal activity should you be seizing people’s intellectual property.
I use a number of google services. I am definitely going to delete my blogger accounts, and will have to think long and hard about deleting my picasaweb, googledocs, and gmail accounts. I think it’s likely time to find a new search engine.
Be assured that in this age of FREE exchange of information that your lack of professional behavior, your inappropriate use of censure, seizure of my intellectual property, and the time and energy this idiotic experience caused me will be advertised to the world wide web.
I doubt I’ll ever know why they seized my blog. I’ve since moved the posts over here and deleted the previous site on blogspot. Needless to say I don’t recommend blogger as a blog host, and I hope you will add them to your do not recommend list as well. Please let others know that this is NOT an unusual occurance. When I searched blogger’s help site, there were plenty of other people who had had their blogs removed without their knowledge or consent.
We’re going to tell my parents, my brother, and my SIL this weekend. We’ll be taking a trip with them, and I thought it’d be cute if we surprised them with a big sis shirt. Not terribly inventive, but what the hay.
BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD!
Earlier this evening I couldn’t stay awake. Our daughter was still talking and playing and yelling and crying in her crib, but I was zonked. Then I woke up to go to the restroom, and it’s been awake time ever since.
All I can think about is this pregnancy. I’m way ahead of myself here since I’m barely 4 weeks (counting from date of last period) pregnant. We haven’t even told our families yet! Yet just like last time, I am consumed by the idea and feelings of pregnancy.
I already feel “different” – I knew within days of ovulating that I was pregnant. Think that is impossible? Yeah, that’s what I would have thought too were the shoe on the other foot. But that shoe didn’t fit my foot this time around! I KNEW.
Currently feel: a tad queasy, bloated, like I have a lump in my throat, thirsty, often quite tired