Random thoughts about life, birth, and the like . . .

• My 1/2 acre yard and gardens are in disastrous condition, but I did plant some annuals today; that made me happy!
• My husband is getting ready to add a second floor to our house – his company is called Aria Construction, and they do fantastic high-end work
• My youngest is now almost 11 months – I still want to smash her into 0-3 mo. clothes…
• The twins will be 3 in August, and they are such a joy and such a torment.  I still can’t believe they are mine!!
• My oldest, age 7, had a stupidly horrible time in 1st grade.  Here’s hoping for rest and recovery this summer and a better experience in 2nd grade.
• No, I’ve still not written my birth story from July 12, 2011 . . . what’s the hang-up?  Well, I still have issues with G’s birth and with a local care provider.  That’s part of it, I’m sure.

Am I recovered from my birth losses?

Yes and no . . . those losses, in a way, made these last three children possible.  However, I still feel an emptiness that will never go away.

Am I recovered from my birthing losses?

Mostly no.  Physical activity causes the adhesions to hurt.  The unevenness in my lower abdomen (fat layer – scar – fat layer) is something I see and feel every day.  Although my VBA2C was a “success,” I feel quite bitter about the last weeks (from 31 weeks to nearly 42 weeks) of my pregnancy.  From 39 weeks onward, every day was a struggle, emotionally.  The birth was stressful.  I didn’t feel a darned thing and had to be told when and how to push.  I didn’t birth my child, but at least I didn’t have to endure her being cut out of my body.

Birth advocacy . . .

I still feel quite out of sorts about childbirth in Missoula and elsewhere.  Any time I see that someone had a cesarean – primary or repeat – I want to know why.  I wish Missoulians seemed to care more about how they birth their babies.  I feel like people either go the homebirth route and mostly enjoy a rewarding birth experience or people sign up for the slaughter.  I know there are good docs and good nurses out there, but I definitely lack trust.  And people don’t know their rights or don’t care that they have rights or don’t know how to exercise their rights when it comes to their own health care.  Everyone else seems to just mind their own business.  <shrug>  I’m planning a few VBAC Resources and Support sessions this year – wish me luck!

Well, that’s where I am today.  I see that Rixa is blogging about important stuff, of course.  See her latest regarding the Human Rights in Childbirth panel.

• Walmart for baby proofing (see photo below) and crafting stuff
• Finish G’s birth story since she turned 6 months old yesterday
• Meet a friend and hike “the M” today before the weather turns (hooray, snow!)
• Bake me a cake (no I don’t mind pampering myself on my birthday)
• Go to one of my BF’s to celebrate avec family (it may even turn into an overnight par-tay)
  

  Happy Birthday to Me (aka thank you for not killing yourselves)

My good friend from Birth After Cesarean posted this yesterday on my wall:

Well, who would have thought this past year would bring so much difference for you, woman!

Seriously, this has been an epic year for me.  I happily and healthily grew another blessing.  Against all odds, really . . . I had a successful hospital VBA2C.  I held my ground and refused a cesarean.  I achieved tenure and was promoted at my University.  I performed a solo faculty recital (my recital partner backed out on me a week prior) a mere 2 months post partum!  My hubby and I drove to and from Denver for the holidays with our four young kids (which I consider a HUGE success).  My Dad flew me to Houston to check on my ailing aunt, and I was able to see my mom, brother, SIL, niece, and meet my nephew!  And we ended our childbearing years yesterday with a vasectomy.

It’s crazy to think that my childbearing years are over.  I love pregnancy.  I might even be addicted to pregnancy.  I am jealous of every pregnant woman I see.  And thankfully a part of me is at peace with being done.  But, now I have to face raising these beautiful children that my husband and I conceived.  Some days it’s really really hard to be a good parent . . . to be a minimally acceptable parent.  I never feel like I’m a spectacular parent.  But maybe now that I’m done making, baking, and birthing babies, I can focus on being a better parent?

So, what’s next?  I think I’ll eat a little something and go for my hike.  Guess I’ll have to postpone finishing my birth story until this afternoon while my birthday cake is baking.

After that I’ll continue herding my little flock of kids and herding my big flock of students and loving my husband and my home!

I am a ball of stress, so I’m thankful for a few moments of deconstress (LoL!) time.  I’m just about as addicted to Pinterest as I am to Facebook.  So, I’ve been pinning all sorts of things.  Here’s a link to my HBA2C board, for instance.  The holidays make me feel very crafty, but of course, I’m having to prioritize my crafts.  That means putting away the more complicated projects, and focusing on a few that give me a lot of bang for the time buck.  My oldest daughter and I are enjoying making snowflakes today.  Great stress buster, actually!  You can HARDLY screw these up.

Here are a few links to get you started:

• How About Orange’s directions for a 5-pt snowflake
• Bon Temps Beignet’s tutorial

Here’s How About Orange’s 8-point flake:

And here’s my simplified “take” on it:

To do this I followed Bon Temps’s folding instructions and eye-balled Orange’s template.  Really, it’s not that hard to do, and my 6 year old is having fun making her own snowflakes her own way!   And my 4 month old is just hanging out watching Mommy and Big Sis.  (She’s such a love!!)

Blessings this holiday season!!

Anyway, on the one hand I am glad that steps are in place to give women access to home birth. And if physicians and CNMs will actually attend these home births, then it’s possible that insurance will cover these births. Hooray!

However, I don’t believe that a physician or CNM is necessary for a great outcome at home. A trained midwife, CPM or otherwise, should be just as capable of handing low and lower risk births at home.

Furthermore, many women who fall outside of the definition of low risk will have better birth experiences outside the confines of a hospital. Typically, physicians and CNMs are not able to provide homebirth services to these women and their babies. I don’t recommend limiting their ability to find qualified providers who will attend them at home. I hope this board will use better mental hygiene and reconsider their ban on lay midwifery.