I hardly know what to do with myself. My normal internet activities have been disrupted by my miscarriage, and I find myself wondering what I’m supposed to be doing when I get onto the internet.
I can’t visit my “December Darlings” because they have what I don’t – growing families. That may seem strange and selfish, but I just can’t deal with seeing the absolutely adorable pictures of my friends’ children.
I can’t even visit the main ICAN list . . . too many pregnant women there. Too many women worried about their upcoming birth experiences, something I certainly can’t relate too right now. Plus there’s the issue of having been told that my effing scar is too thin to attempt a VBAC. (I haven’t had my follow-up with the OB yet to find out how she decided my fate for me.) How am I supposed to encourage women to VBAC when I’ve now been given this news? If my scar (which from the outside looks like nothing) can’t be trusted then how can I tell other women to trust their scars? I feel like a hack.
I can’t visit Mothering’s forums, MDC. I did today, but it’s been two weeks since I’ve been over there. And today seeing the signatures of women whose pregnancies weren’t as far along as mine when I lost my baby . . . aaaa, it really stings.
I’m not in a good place right now. Not at all. I don’t feel “healed” in any way. I’m just more drunk than I was 2 weeks ago. Wow, that’s something to be proud of . . .
The VBAC ban project is finally up and running! What is this you ask? Well, simply put, we are going to call every hospital in the U.S. and find out what their policy is on VBAC. The International Cesarean Awareness Network did this a few years back and found out that over 300 hospitals officially “ban” VBAC (even though this is patently illegal). Needless to say, we are sure the situation is much worse now. But, the cool thing is that ICAN is about to launch a fantastic new website and included on that website is a map of the U.S. upon which every one of the hospitals we call will appear….with information about that hospital and its policies on VBAC. AND, there will be a way for anyone to leave feedback about that hospital, so you can see what other women experienced there. But, in order for this to happen, we need people to call! So if you are interested in helping out, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll get you set up and going.
Help ICAN shine the light into the oppression that so many hospitals are inflicting on women.