Closing in on 39 weeks

image by Ixionx

Man, nothing like a really bad flu bug to just knock your butt down.  I feel miserable.  It started with soft palate irritation and has resulted in me being in bed for 2 days.  I finally took some extra strength Tylenol today, so I’m less achy, but I’m coughing and congested and my head hurts.  I FEEL TERRIBLE!  And I’m cuh-RABB-y!!!!!  (Yes, I know I’m *only* 38+ weeks.)

This is the last thing I need right now when I’m feeling the pressure to get out and walk, have ‘relations’ with my husband, do lots of deep squatting, and other things to remind my body that it wants to go into labor.  Really, it does!  (Yes, I know I’m *only* 38+ weeks.)

My 38 week appointment with Mr. Dr. Hyde was uneventful.  He wanted to check my cervix, and he confirmed what I already knew – that my cervix was posterior and closed up like a little clam.  Since then, I’ve been contracting more, I guess, but nothing spectacular or indicative of immanent labor.  (Yes, I know I’m *only* 38+ weeks.)

Last night I had a horrid dream about my baby not only kicking her way out of my uterus but out the side of my gut.  In my dream I start screaming for my mom to call 911 and then pass out . . . and that’s when I woke up.  I know it was just a dream and that it doesn’t mean anything, but pairing that with being sick has just deflated me.  Now all of a sudden, I can’t imagine lasting in labor.  Not only that, I don’t want to be in pain, and I sure as hell don’t want to in pain for hours and hours.  Maybe I’ve watched too many YouTube birth clips as I’ve laid here in agony?  (Yes, I know I’m *only* 38+ weeks.)

My amazing husband – he said to think of what I’d be telling any woman at 38-39 weeks pregnant who is losing steam and gaining doubt.  He says such fantastic things about birth and trust and intuition; I’m not sure he recognizes how wonderful he is.  All I know is that he’s talked me down off of several ledges.  I’m not quite off the edge this evening, but maybe once I get to feeling better, I’ll regain my trust and faith in myself and in the amazing process God designed for me, my body, and my baby.