Nearly a Year Ago

My babies will be ONE tomorrow.  I can’t hardly believe it.  I never thought I’d be the type of woman who would say that the year just flew by or grieve the passing of such a special year, but I guess I am.  I take my babies for granted every day . . . and yet, every day they are a miracle to me.  I can hardly believe that after several years of heartache and pain, that I have two one year old girls and one five year old daughter.  I am blessed.

So why do I feel so crappy?  My mother in law is worried because I look pregnant.  No, I don’t think she’s rude for saying that . . . she said what I had been thinking, so I have to take it that much more seriously.  Why does my lower abdomen still hurt to be touched?  Why do I not EVER want to have sex?  And the constant spotting and cramping – I’m so tired of it.

Tonight I began researching the side effects of the Mirena IUD.  I tried to schedule an appointment with my OB/GYN, but he referred me to a GI person.  I’m going to cancel that appointment.  Perhaps I’m having GI trouble, but I really think it has something to do with the way Baby E was positioned, or the fact that my bladder was nicked during the cesarean, or a fibroid, or the reappearance of adenomyosis, or something.  I also suspect the Mirena.  It seems like there is an adjustment phase, an ok phase, and then a shit phase that continues to worsen.  I’m in the worsening shit phase, I’m sure.  So, I called and scheduled an appointment with my GP.  I’ll have her take it out and hopefully change my depression meds.  If that doesn’t work, Lord help me.

I have so much to be thankful for . . . why am I in so much mental and physical pain?