Happy Birth Day to Me

Today is my birthday, and I have a lot planned for ugly number 39:

  • Walmart for baby proofing (see photo below) and crafting stuff
  • Finish G’s birth story since she turned 6 months old yesterday
  • Meet a friend and hike “the M” today before the weather turns (hooray, snow!)
  • Bake me a cake (no I don’t mind pampering myself on my birthday)
  • Go to one of my BF’s to celebrate avec family (it may even turn into an overnight par-tay)

    Happy Birthday to Me (aka thank you for not killing yourselves)

My good friend from Birth After Cesarean posted this yesterday on my wall:

Well, who would have thought this past year would bring so much difference for you, woman!

Seriously, this has been an epic year for me.  I happily and healthily grew another blessing.  Against all odds, really . . . I had a successful hospital VBA2C.  I held my ground and refused a cesarean.  I achieved tenure and was promoted at my University.  I performed a solo faculty recital (my recital partner backed out on me a week prior) a mere 2 months post partum!  My hubby and I drove to and from Denver for the holidays with our four young kids (which I consider a HUGE success).  My Dad flew me to Houston to check on my ailing aunt, and I was able to see my mom, brother, SIL, niece, and meet my nephew!  And we ended our childbearing years yesterday with a vasectomy.

It’s crazy to think that my childbearing years are over.  I love pregnancy.  I might even be addicted to pregnancy.  I am jealous of every pregnant woman I see.  And thankfully a part of me is at peace with being done.  But, now I have to face raising these beautiful children that my husband and I conceived.  Some days it’s really really hard to be a good parent . . . to be a minimally acceptable parent.  I never feel like I’m a spectacular parent.  But maybe now that I’m done making, baking, and birthing babies, I can focus on being a better parent?

So, what’s next?  I think I’ll eat a little something and go for my hike.  Guess I’ll have to postpone finishing my birth story until this afternoon while my birthday cake is baking.

After that I’ll continue herding my little flock of kids and herding my big flock of students and loving my husband and my home!

Feeling Overwhelmed . . . hmm

I’m feeling overwhelmed this week.  Icky.

A couple of things have thrown me off my center, perhaps.  Like my good friend’s threatened labor now at 30w gestation.  Like my sister-in-law’s straight-forward CBAC yesterday – don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful, but it’s still affecting me.  Like having to go back to work in less than two weeks – survival mode.  Like all of the projects that I haven’t accomplished this winter break.  Like my birthday coming tomorrow – gross late-30s number!  Like CBA2C vs. VBA2C vs. CBA2C vs. VBA2C and on and on.

Ack.

What do you do when you’re feeling overwhelmed and ineffective?  Any suggestions?  It’s really causing me to stagnate and procrastinate.

It’s not like I’m doing absolutely NOTHING.  It’s just that I feel like I’m hiding in my birth research and stressing about a lot of different things and not actually accomplishing things in a timely fashion.  I just need to break the cycle.  I probably need a to do list – maybe a reward chart?!  Haha!