It’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep again. Last night it was a skunk; tonight it’s storm and stress or something. I can’t seem to settle down.
My daughter and I are supposed to go camping with friends in Glacier National Park for a couple of days. We’re hoping to escape the smoke. It’s been awful . . . oppressive. I just remembered though that I have a follow-up appointment on Tuesday with a new OB group. And it’ll be awfully hard to reschedule that appointment, so I’m feeling torn.
It’s only been 20 days. I began to lose our baby on August 1. We were in Alberta with my family. The memory is so fresh, that it could have been yesterday. But I feel like I’ve been dealing with this miscarriage for eternity. When am I going to stop bleeding? Just as soon as I tell my husband that it seems to be over, the bleeding starts up again. I think I’m having my period, and then it seems like a continuation of the same. This is driving me nuts.
I’m starting to stress. When will I stop bleeding? When will my cycle go back to normal? Is the yellow dock and vitex safe? Is my skin such a wreck because of the supplements? When will we be able to try and conceive again? How long will it take me to get pregnant? Will I lose another baby? I’m going mad.
I’m not doing a very good job these days with trusting my body. I can dole out the advice to anyone who will listen or read. But me? Actually practice what I preach? Well, what about my body is worth trusting in right now? My skin – no. My uterus – try again. My cycle – not so much. My basal temperature – not when you don’t sleep. My hormones – nope.
Despair is setting in. Ridiculous when you consider that it’s only been 20 days.