Miscarriage Complete

My miscarriage began early yesterday morning.  I stayed on the bathroom floor for quite some time as ventures to the bathroom left me weak and faint.  The “nearly passed out” state wasn’t as bad this time as it was with my last miscarriage which was caused by a subchorionic hematoma.

By about 7:30am I realized that I had lost enough blood to be concerned.  At 9:00am I called the OB who managed my last miscarriage.  She was the on-call doc for the group over the weekend.  She told me that I needed to get to the ER, and by 9:30am we were there – me, DH, and DD.

DD already knew that we had lost the baby.  I told her that the baby was with God now.  DD (3y2m old) offered to drive the car to God’s house, get the baby back, and put it in my tummy again.  She was upset about the baby and concerned about Mommy.  Some of the little things she has said are both heart-breaking and funny.

I brought a bag with the “materials of conception” in them.  I kind of wish I had kept them and buried them this time.  Later she said that testing the pregnancy remnants is not particularly helpful.  Well, that was my experience last time.  Perhaps we’ll buy a little garden figurine as a memorial.  I feel a great need to bury these last three pregnancies.  I don’t know what lies ahead for us in terms of future children.

The OB recommended an aspiration & curretage to remove any remaining materials in my uterus.  Normally I think it’s best to allow things to progress naturally, but I agreed to it.  Dilation was not needed, so I didn’t have to worry so much about damage to the cervix.  She told me that there was a slight risk of damage to surrounding organs and a chance of puncturing the uterus.  She said that normally uterine punctures will self heal.

I will say that it is “nice” to not be bleeding profusely like I was yesterday.  I couldn’t keep up with the blood.  It is “nice” to have pain medication.  Wish it helped me feel more tired and numb.  I’m not in a place where being this cognizant is helpful.

After monitoring in recovery, I was sent upstairs to a regular hospital room.  I had a very sweet and compassionate nurse.  (Actually, all of the nurses who worked with me were terrific – in the ER, in the OR, recovery, and general hospital.)  From my new room I had a great view of the mountains and the clouds rolling over them.  I didn’t get any sleep, but I was comfortable.  I had a much better hospital experience this time than last time.  Last time I was at the ER I vowed to never go back there unless I was dying or dead.  It goes to show that it’s all quite dependent on the staff you get.

Today is a lazy day thus far.  It’s 9am and we three are in bed.  DD and I played “Dress Chica” and another PBS Sprout game, and now she’s watching Thomas the Train.  DH never has trouble sleeping and going back to sleep, so he’s snoring away next to me.

We have to get prepared for my mom’s visit.  She’s coming out Tuesday.  I guess she feels the need to “help.”  I’m not supposed to lift anything over 5lbs or do housework until I see the OB in two weeks.  I’ll have to call the OB tomorrow and clarify that.  I can see why lifting my 40-lb toddler would be bad, but not even being able to push a vacuum or sweep the floor?  I have mixed feelings about Mom’s visit.  She’ll probably be in full hover-mother mode, and she’ll want to call the shots.  I feel bad for DH who will bear the brunt of it.

The OB said I could probably go back to work on Monday, but DH thinks I should spend one more day at home.  My Monday students have gotten screwed enough already this semester, but I don’t really have much desire to face work quite yet.  Don’t know what Mom will do when we all have to get back to our regular schedules. 

I want to thank everyone who has e-mailed me and posted on my blog in the last couple of days.  Each note makes me cry which I know is a good thing.  I need to let out some of this grief, and your thoughtfulness has really touched me.  Thank you from the depths of my broken soul.


5 thoughts on “Miscarriage Complete

  1. I am so sorry. I wish I was there to give you a hug. My friend lost her baby at 16 weeks in Jan and when I called her after hearing, she just cried and said, “It is SO much harder than I ever imagined it would be.” I just so appreciated her honesty and of course I then cried with her.

    I did buy her a garden angel statue. I found a great one at Tuesday Morning. They had a beautiful one with 3 angels together too. Maybe you could find one like that? If you go to ebay and type in 3 garden angel cherubs it will pull up what it looked like.

    Many more hugs. I am sorry for your loss.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there was more that I could find to say.

    I haven’t dug far into your archives. Have you had a full thrombophilia panel done? Testing for common clotting disorders and uncommon ones? I have one of them (homozygous MTHFR). My peri was astonished when I carried my son to viability and it was discovered at 26 weeks. He informed me he was shocked I had not miscarried. (I think my body maybe even tried to when I had a subchorionic hemorrhage at 6 weeks) He told me that thrombophilias (clotting disorders) are probably the most common reason for recurrent miscarriage. Any future pregnancies for me (based on all the other tests they ran to see how much my particular disorder affects my ability to metabolize folic acid, etc) would be accompanied by very high dose folic acid, baby aspirin and heparin.

    Just something to consider.

    Again, I am sorry I don’t have more to offer. Just know that it always hurts my heart to read that a woman has been through the loss of her child. I am sorry for all you have been through.

  3. Kimberly- Just wanted to convey my support and sadness for your loss.I think of you often. We’re here for you and I hope that you know that.

  4. Kimberly, my dear friend. It pains me so much that you are going thru this yet again. I really had a good feeling about this one, as everyone did. I’m just in shock. Thinking about you all the time, and wishing you peace. I am here for you.

  5. Oh Kimberly…Lots and lots and lots of hugs. I honestly cannot imagine what you must be feeling. One is quite hard enough, my heart absolutely broke in two reading that. I wish there was something I could do for you, SOMETHING that would make it all better and make it go away. Just know I am, as we all are, here for you through it all…feel free to let it all out whenever you need to. Love to that sweet Cat too. 🙂
    I hope the visit w/ your MOm won’t be too stressful for you and C. Maybe she can just try to focus on spending a lot of special time w/ Cat. Give her some special attention that she needs and you and C a break. Hopefully that will be the case and nothing else, well maybe some housecleaning and cooking. 🙂
    Love sweetie – many many hugs.
    I have faith that things will work out for you, no doubt about it at all, I just wish you didn’t have to go through all this horrible heartache to get there.
    Love you!

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