Vague Musings

It feels like an eternity since I wrote anything authentic and of substance, but I’m fighting my way back.  I’ve been in survival mode, in a way, since finding out I was pregnant in December.  I was excited and terrified, and it was all I could do to stay sane and work my job and meet my family’s needs.  Now that I am 24 weeks pregnant and doing well, the semester is nearly over, and family life will be more simple with me in town, it’s time to direct my attention to me and these babies!

I have had a lot of ultrasounds with this pregnancy.  As much as I have read about the controversy regarding the safety of ultrasound (search for Sarah Buckley’s articles on the subject, for instance), they were absolutely necessary for me and my husband.  I’ve also noticed things . . . like Baby A seems to be a pretty “chill” baby and insists on snuggling down on top of the birth canal.  Baby B, on the other hand, appears to be a terror.  Heartrate is usually about 10 points higher than her sibling’s, and this baby is always in motion.

I’m concerned about my pelvis and sacrum – they’ve already been giving me grief.  Thankfully my visits to the chiropractor help with this immensely.  My chiropractor also helps release excess tension in my round ligaments.  But the babies seem to prefer breech and transverse positions.  Rats!  I’m only 24 weeks, so there’s time, I know this, but again, the pattern they have established has been marked by malposition.

I haven’t talked to my OB about VBAC since our first appointment back in January.  He’s the most likely OB in town to support VBAC, natural birth of twins, and even twin VBAC.  However, my history has him a bit spooked.  Perhaps the babies’ presentations will take all of this out of the equasion, I don’t know, but it is getting close to time to talk with him about natural birth again.  Hopefully by now he can tell that I’m not some ill-informed, emotionally-driven crazy feminist or something.  I don’t know.  But I don’t look forward to revisiting the issue with him.

I haven’t been proactive about pregnancy exercise or further education.  I’m rereading sections of The Business of Being Born, and that’s helping me find my fire again, I think.  I also just e-mailed a doula/CBE in my community for advice.  I’m hoping to review My Best Birth sometime in the near future – I’m sure that’ll help.  I should probably read something by Michel Odent, Silent Knife (Wainer), or Pushed (Block).

I just feel very alone.  Sure on-line communities help . . . they’re awesome support, but they don’t substitute for face-to-face support.  The natural birth community here lost much momentum and power when Dr. Montgomery died.  He ran the only free-standing birth center and employed a handful of talented, caring CNMs.  We’re down to two CNMs in town who have hospital priviledges.  I’ve been risked out of homebirth because of the twins, so I’m forced to “choose” the hospital.  As I posted at another location today, “I’m at McDonalds trying to fashion a crappy meat-like patty into a steak.”


10 thoughts on “Vague Musings

  1. Yay! Congrats on making it to Week 24! I hope you get all the support you need for a healthy pregnancy and delivery. I had issues with my sacrum during my last pregnancy, too. The chiro and some physio exercises did wonders, as well as wearing a maternity belt for a few weeks. Hope you find some relief!

    Sending you lots of positive energy!

  2. Sorry! {hugs}

    I hope your pelvis clears up. Going to the chiro will definitely help; and maybe you can ask for some supplements to help strengthen your ligaments, so that they “hold” the adjustments better. I don’t know if you’ve had time to check my blog, but I just posted a link to this site on how to turn posterior babies; and an older post talks about pelvic pain and some things you can do at home to help (which you still might need, to help maximize the chiro adjustments)

  3. ok, your post makes me miss you even more– I wish we were there to “hold the space” for you and help carry you to the end. you’ve been on my mind, but now we really need to talk!!!!

    just a couple of things: it’s early still and who knows how the grwoing babies will negotiate the ever-reducing space they have? I also curious if you notice them being that way all the time, or if they are observed on u/s as being that way? I agree with you that the u/s can be very helpful in this kind of situation, but I do think it can affect where they are– some babies move away from u/s as it is done….or at least that is how some moms perceive what happens. so just a question and a thought. and a reminder that they are the only ones with all the information.

    BIG hugs to you from me. and lots of positive energy/thoughts/love.

    and let’s talk or at least have an email converstaion, ok?

  4. oh, yea, I forgot to say: have you read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth? good time to review sphincter law and soak up her confidence in women’s bodies and the birth process!

  5. Thanks everyone, for the encouragement. It means so much! I will take some of your suggestions and go for it. Kathy, that site with the article about diaphragmatic release sounds quite interesting (as does your “old” post).

    Thank you for your support!

  6. Pingback: Things Change Quickly In Pregnancy « The Trial of Labor

  7. I wish I could send you my CPM. She has incredible twin and breech experience. It is very important to me to have a lot of breech and twin experience as well when I am a midwife so that people have choices. But I am happy to see you are blogging again and can’t wait to hear more. I am with you in spirit if not in person.

  8. Morag,
    It’s my understanding that the Farm doesn’t take 1st time VBACs or 1st time breech. VBAC is definite in my case. Breech is possible. However, I’m talking with a birth center closer to home… we’ll see.
    Thanks for the suggestion. I’m thankful that the Farm is a viable option for so many women to get a better birth!
    ~ Kimberly

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