My babies will be ONE tomorrow. I can’t hardly believe it. I never thought I’d be the type of woman who would say that the year just flew by or grieve the passing of such a special year, but I guess I am. I take my babies for granted every day . . . and yet, every day they are a miracle to me. I can hardly believe that after several years of heartache and pain, that I have two one year old girls and one five year old daughter. I am blessed.
So why do I feel so crappy? My mother in law is worried because I look pregnant. No, I don’t think she’s rude for saying that . . . she said what I had been thinking, so I have to take it that much more seriously. Why does my lower abdomen still hurt to be touched? Why do I not EVER want to have sex? And the constant spotting and cramping – I’m so tired of it.
Tonight I began researching the side effects of the Mirena IUD. I tried to schedule an appointment with my OB/GYN, but he referred me to a GI person. I’m going to cancel that appointment. Perhaps I’m having GI trouble, but I really think it has something to do with the way Baby E was positioned, or the fact that my bladder was nicked during the cesarean, or a fibroid, or the reappearance of adenomyosis, or something. I also suspect the Mirena. It seems like there is an adjustment phase, an ok phase, and then a shit phase that continues to worsen. I’m in the worsening shit phase, I’m sure. So, I called and scheduled an appointment with my GP. I’ll have her take it out and hopefully change my depression meds. If that doesn’t work, Lord help me.
I have so much to be thankful for . . . why am I in so much mental and physical pain?