2007 – 2008 were really tough years. I suffered three consecutive pregnancy losses. I nearly lost myself. I look back on those years and shudder.
I was driving down the road the other day and couldn’t get these losses out of my mind. I gave birth to twin girls in August 2009, but this doesn’t mean that I don’t still grieve for those lost souls. Ugh, I don’t like thinking about it.
Perhaps these losses are on my mind because I had that evil Mirena IUD taken out last month. My cycle has returned. I had my first real menses since 2008. The blood reminds me of all I have lost and all I have gained.
I’ve just ovulated. The lovely CM and pains of mittelschmerz remind me of all I could lose and all I could gain.
My heart craves another child. My body begs to be useful . . . and to be complete . . . and to bring my childbearing years full circle in the comfort of my own home with my husband and perhaps a midwife or doula.