It feels like an eternity since I wrote anything authentic and of substance, but I’m fighting my way back. I’ve been in survival mode, in a way, since finding out I was pregnant in December. I was excited and terrified, and it was all I could do to stay sane and work my job and meet my family’s needs. Now that I am 24 weeks pregnant and doing well, the semester is nearly over, and family life will be more simple with me in town, it’s time to direct my attention to me and these babies!
I have had a lot of ultrasounds with this pregnancy. As much as I have read about the controversy regarding the safety of ultrasound (search for Sarah Buckley’s articles on the subject, for instance), they were absolutely necessary for me and my husband. I’ve also noticed things . . . like Baby A seems to be a pretty “chill” baby and insists on snuggling down on top of the birth canal. Baby B, on the other hand, appears to be a terror. Heartrate is usually about 10 points higher than her sibling’s, and this baby is always in motion.
I’m concerned about my pelvis and sacrum – they’ve already been giving me grief. Thankfully my visits to the chiropractor help with this immensely. My chiropractor also helps release excess tension in my round ligaments. But the babies seem to prefer breech and transverse positions. Rats! I’m only 24 weeks, so there’s time, I know this, but again, the pattern they have established has been marked by malposition.
I haven’t talked to my OB about VBAC since our first appointment back in January. He’s the most likely OB in town to support VBAC, natural birth of twins, and even twin VBAC. However, my history has him a bit spooked. Perhaps the babies’ presentations will take all of this out of the equasion, I don’t know, but it is getting close to time to talk with him about natural birth again. Hopefully by now he can tell that I’m not some ill-informed, emotionally-driven crazy feminist or something. I don’t know. But I don’t look forward to revisiting the issue with him.
I haven’t been proactive about pregnancy exercise or further education. I’m rereading sections of The Business of Being Born, and that’s helping me find my fire again, I think. I also just e-mailed a doula/CBE in my community for advice. I’m hoping to review My Best Birth sometime in the near future – I’m sure that’ll help. I should probably read something by Michel Odent, Silent Knife (Wainer), or Pushed (Block).
I just feel very alone. Sure on-line communities help . . . they’re awesome support, but they don’t substitute for face-to-face support. The natural birth community here lost much momentum and power when Dr. Montgomery died. He ran the only free-standing birth center and employed a handful of talented, caring CNMs. We’re down to two CNMs in town who have hospital priviledges. I’ve been risked out of homebirth because of the twins, so I’m forced to “choose” the hospital. As I posted at another location today, “I’m at McDonalds trying to fashion a crappy meat-like patty into a steak.”