Choosing the care provider or not…

Unassisted birth (UC, UB) seems like an all or nothing adventure.  “Either you’re in or you’re out,” says Heidi Klum of Project Runway.  No smile.  Somewhat smug too.  I’m trying to sort out my feelings about UC because even though it’s not something I’m likely to do, it is a birth choice and therefore should be studied at the very least.  I read a lot of unassisted birth posts/forums and have gained so much knowledge and strength from it.  I wish I had that kind of confidence and peace.

So, like I said, it seems like UC is an all or nothing thing.  Most care providers (CP) won’t continue to see you for prenatals if they know you’re planning a UC.  (Maybe that’s not universally true, but that’s the impression I’m getting.)  And if you decide to have a UC then it also means that you’re providing immediate care for your newborn.  That seems a lot to ask of myself much less my husband.

My feelings on care providers seem to change by the second.  One minute I’m ok midwife only.  Then I’m ok with planning for homebirth and hospital birth simultaneously.  And then I’m ok with MW and ‘shadow care.’  And then these plans seem so unsatisfactory in different ways.

 The only ‘universal’ is that I want to have this baby as ‘naturally’ as possible.  But I still don’t have any idea how to accomplish this.

I have lots of wishes for me and our baby.  I want it all, and none of it seems like having it all because ‘having it all’ was stolen from me in 2004 with that first cut.  I know even that is still just a perception, not a ‘truth,’ but for me it feels like a ‘truth.’

  • Ideally, I would continue prenatal care with someone – the midwife or OB, whatever.
  • Ideally, I would birth this baby with my husband and maybe a close friend or two but no one acting as a ‘care provider.’
  • Ideally, someone else would swoop in and take care of the baby.

My ‘ideal’ may have to remain on a pedestal.