It’s 11:10pm and I’m still awake. Ludicrous – I suffered a miscarriage and endured surgery a mere day-and-a-half ago, and I know my body and mind need rest. After hours of surfing the internet and spending time on fringe subjects, it dawned on me – I’m avoiding tomorrow.
I am avoiding tomorrow because I need to get back to work. Life needs to go on. I can’t stay in bed forever. I can’t continue doping up on hydrocodone, anti-anxiety meds, and wine. I can’t keep avoiding family responsibilities. I can’t refuse phone calls forever. So, I’m still awake spending time on insignificant things (like this post) because as soon as I shut my eyes, I’ll have to face tomorrow.
My “work” today has been interesting. I watched a Bill Moyer lecture captured on video a few weeks before his death. I learned about “cultural creatives” and decided that Obama must be one. (What really helped me put this together was a recent Hillary Clinton rant which I can no longer find but had something to do with his supposed pie-in-the-sky rhetoric.) I tried – and failed – to find a good diagram of Toffler’s * wave theory to share on an on-line forum and came across a thought-provoking futurist post about something called “future shock.” I surfed digg.com, compared it to reddit.com, and decided that I prefer digg. I thought about how I can incorporate social activism discourse into the philosophy of music education course I’ll teach on-line next spring. I started watching an interview with Naomi Wolf, author of The Beauty Myth (which I haven’t read) and The End of America (which I am now interested in reading).
And now it is 11:40pm and I must face going to sleep. My DH is still upstairs playing World of Warcraft. That’s how he escapes the horrid reality of our current situation. And I go to bed again alone . . .
* Evidently the neutrality of this wikipedia entry is disputed to which I respond, “when is communication ever truly ‘neutral’?”