Things Do Change or Welcome to Waffling

I had my most recent ultrasound a couple of weeks ago.  I was pleased to find out that both babies are guestimated to be roughly the same gestational age and size.  In fact, at 28-29 weeks pregnant, they were measuring 2lbs15oz!  They’re keeping up and even slightly ahead of the average singleton of the same age!

The other piece of great news is that they are both head down . . . or at least they were during that ultrasound.  This means the likelihood of a natural birth in the hospital is more likely.  It means that hospital birth is back on the table.

A midwife told me that I’d have to pay for the birth experience that would be best for me and my family.  It’s true – if I want an optimal experience, it’ll be a huge out of pocket expense with the possibility of additional hospital expenses should 1-3 of us need additional care.  I wish I were made of money and could afford the birth experience of my dreams.  I’m not so fortunate.  This is not how healthcare or maternity care works in the US.  No, I can’t put a price on the health and well-being of our triad, but that doesn’t mean that I can afford alternative health care or maternity care at this time.  And I’m not going to feel guilty about that either, ya know?!

My personal out of pocket max from 7/1-6/30 is $2300.  My family out of pocket max is $4600.  An out of hospital birth will cost at least $3500 (if I travel) or closer to $7000 if I stay home.  I can’t ignore the math – not on my salary.

I am so glad that I have explored my options.  I am still considering these options but am back to planning my “best birth” at the local hospital with an OB and a fantastic doula (who just happens to be a wonderful homebirth midwife).

* Check back soon for my review of Your Best Birth and a book giveaway.

MRI Techs Post Top 100 Natural Birth Blogs

The MRI Technical Schools site posted a list of the Top 100 Natural Birth Blogs.  The compiler, L. Fabry, did a wonderful job of categorizing and providing brief bios of each blog.  Categories include: natural birth info, natural birthing stories, midwife blogs, and more.  Please do check out this list!

I’d like to thank MRI Technical Schools and L. Fabry for including Trial of Labor on this list.

I’m Thinking Not

I wonder if Gloria Lemay came up with this list herself or if she found it somewhere, but it’s brilliant.

I’m thinking I’m not a good candidate . . . besides not being afraid of needles, nothing else seems to work for or apply to me.

Click here to see how you match up!

Cesarean Injury: Another Harrowing Tale

Just today I stumbled upon the blog, The Man-Nurse Diaries.  If the blog title wasn’t interesting enough to catch my attention, his most recent post certainly was:

Nearly Bleeding to Death from a Cesarean Section

You must read it.  MUST!

The timing is interesting and something for me to consider.  I’m not superstitious, per se, but sometimes I do wonder if I am supposed to discover things along my journey at specific times.  Not only am I planning my own twin VBAC and have a persistently breech Baby A, but also I am working on a little project – a VBAC WebQuest.  More on that later.

Stressed: Woulda Shoulda Coulda

Shoulda:  One of my strongest feelings from DD’s birth in 2004 is that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital.  When my husband started to nag me about getting to the hospital (I was severely dehydrated, and he wanted to take me in to get that treated), I thought, “I couldn’t possibly leave my house right now.”  Somehow I did get in the car and didn’t puke or poop myself on the way to the hospital.  The minute I got there, I *needed* a wheelchair.  I was sick. 

I wasn’t treated for illness.  I was treated for childbirth.

I should have hired a doula.  I thought I was “safe” because I was being attended by a CNM.  I should have reminded her that my birth plan stated no artificial rupture of membranes.  I should have insisted on changing positions even though I was peeing out my butt.  What shouldas are ahead?

Coulda:  I could have told my DH no, I suppose.  I certainly could have told my CNM to go jump when she suggested breaking my water.  What sorts of couldas are ahead?

Woulda:  Had I a “do over,” I’d have stayed put.  Or I would have refused AROM.  I would have changed positions while laboring and for pushing.  I would not have purple pushed.  Not gonna do that again.  Thinking too much about future wouldas is overwhelming.  Let’s not go there.

Woulda shoulda coulda is that much more stressful when you aren’t given options.  I’m not supposed to give birth to twins at home.  That’s risky.  I’m supposed to want to give birth at the hospital.  That’s safe.  Yeah, hospital birth is so safe for American women and their babies that our infant mortality rate ties Poland and Slovakia.

Let’s Find Some Power Birthy Music!

Right now I’m searching for music – music to listen to while I’m gestating away and music to listen to in the hospital.  I’m sure I’ll need to drown out a lot of stuff there.

Anyway, one of the first hits searching for childbirth playlist on google is an article about creating your own playlist

Lua Hancock, 31, of Davie, Fla., was in the midst of having an emergency C-section with her first child when she decided to focus on the music coming from the anesthesiologist’s radio to calm her nerves.

The song playing?

“The First Cut is the Deepest” by Sheryl Crow.

Oh my.

Other recommendations?

Absurdity of the End Game with Hospital Birth

I don’t know how else to title it.  Perhaps “Being Left at the Altar”  Or “Some OBs Value Weekends More Than Moms & Babies.”  Or “Left to the Tribe: Who Will Catch or Cut?”  Yeah, those are good ones, apt titles.  But I’ll stick with my initial title.

I’m not an OB hater, really I’m not.  There are some awesome docs out there who do wonderful things for women and their babies.  When pregnancies are truly complicated, OBs and perinatologists may be necessary.  When natural birth goes awry and babies need to be delivered by cesarean, OBs are necessary.  Most of the time, though, it’s overkill.

And then there’s someone like me who needs RE assistance for pre-conception (or an OB who’s willing to test progesterone and treat low progesterone) and regular monitoring in early pregnancy to be sure that the babies have a chance at life.  But just because I need interventions in pre-conception and pregnancy does not justify the need for interventions at birth.  I’m deemed high risk for many reasons this time – I’m old, my scarred uterus, twins.

My OB and I have agreed . . . no induction, no augmentation.  That increases my risk of uterine rupture.  My OB and I do not agree . . . I don’t believe that having twins puts my scar at greater risk during labor, mostly because I haven’t found any evidence that supports the claim.  If the risk is there in labor then it’s there just being pregnant.  I reminded him that the composition of the lower uterine segment (mostly fibrous, less contraction) is different from the contracting portions of the uterus.  He had to agree.

But most simply stated: I don’t feel high risk.

So why the title of this blog.  Yes, perhaps I digressed.

I am not assured of getting my OB after hours or especially on weekends.  The call group in this town is large and shared among many practices.  Excuse me . . . but I chose my OB specifically for his track record with lower-interventive birth and “natural” delivery of twins.  I didn’t choose him and the rest of the tribe here in town.

Additionally, if it were to turn surgical . . . I may not know who my surgeon is?  What???  In any other medical specialty this is NOT how it’s done.  This is what is absurd – you spend 30 or so weeks cultivating a relationship with a particular provider only to be left at the altar at week 40?  Only to be cut open by a complete stranger?  Only to be cut open by a complete stranger whose surgical skills are completely unknown to you?  Whereas if you need hand surgery you meet with a surgeon a couple of times, be sure that this is the right surgeon for you, and that surgeon does the surgery!

Why is this acceptable?  How do we put pressure on the tribe to be accountable to their patients.  How do we convince docs to break up into smaller call groups of similar-minded similarly-practicing docs and be sure that women know and have interfaced with these docs at least once during pregnancy?

Tribal obstetrics is selfish.  It’s lazy.  It’s unjustifiable.  Docs, if you didn’t want to serve your patients, you should have chosen another field.

Hindsight Quarterbacking a hospital VBAC

I recently joined My Best Birth, a network on NING.  Today I noticed that a woman posted a link to her VBAC story, so of course I had to go read.

My goodness what she encountered:

  • Urge to push at 2cm dilation
  • Pressure to have a cesarean
  • Early epidural
  • More pressure to have a cesarean
  • Stalled labor
  • More pressure…
  • Slow dilation
  • More pressure…
  • Scare tactics
  • Multiple birth attendants
  • Fear
  • Swollen cervix
  • Presented with “limit of liability” and cesarean consent forms
  • DH had to go fight off the OB
  • A lovely doula
  • Wonderful calm-inducing friends
  • Finally ready to push
  • Pushed in stirrups
  • BABY!!!!
  • Doc pulling on the placenta
  • Contraction finally finished birth
  • SUCCESS!!!!!

My goodness me!!

I was intrigued by a back and forth in the comments between the Feminist Breeder and At Your Cervix.  At Your Cervix was saying that pitocin augmentation might have helped speed things along for this woman.  Feminist Breeder stated that pitocin augmentation was contraindicated for VBAC… which is certainly what I thought as well.  So, I had to look.  I googled VBAC “pitocin augmentation” and one of the first things that came up was a page from Dr. Wagner’s Born In the USA (table 6) with a chart which estimated uterine rupture rates:

1 in 33,000 – woman with unscarred uterus
1 in 200 – VBAC without augmentation or induction
1 in 100 – VBAC with oxytocin augmentation
1 in 43 – oxytocin induction
1 in 20 – Cytotec induction [ref]
Have a look also at Homebirth.org’s information on “Induction or Acceleration of Labour in VBAC Candidates.”  All of this makes me understand the wide variety of rates that I’ve heard doctors cite.  Of course they never admit a .5% rupture rate probably because a large number of them induce and augment labor.  (Maybe that’s an unfair assumption, I don’t know; the fact remains that I’ve never heard a doctor actually use that rate.)  A CNM I talked to this past year used the 2% rate.  I’ve heard 1%.  I’ve even heard 5%.

I read an interesting discussion – “How high is too high for pitocin” at All Nurses Dot Com.  Definitely something to keep in mind.  I should write down some of this . . . and ask our hospital staff about their policies.

Another related resource that I highly recommend can be found at VBAC Facts, one of my favorite sites – “Two doctors respond to the Hastings Indian Medical CenterVBAC Ban . . .“  Specifically, pay attention to the charts and suggested protocols in the Leeman/Espey response.

Things Change Quickly In Pregnancy

In my last post I pointed out that these babies have been preferring breech and transverse positions.  Well, that has recently changed.  I now sense, and have somewhat confirmed from the nurses’ doppler trackings, that baby A is on my right, and baby B is on my left.  If I were to guess, I’d say that they are both vertex.  I saw my OB the other day, and he said that sounds about right – eventually transverse becomes uncomfortable for them.

I had a bit of a scare yesterday and was sent to L&D for monitoring.  Thankfully, I wasn’t contracting (good, I didn’t think I was), and it wasn’t amniotic fluid that I leaked. 

But I started thinking . . . the two times I’ve had needs after hours, I’ve been referred to an on-call OB.  My OB has a solo practice with a CNM.  It seems like all of the OBs in town pool together for call?  I’m really uncomfortable with this arrangement and need to bring it up with my doc next appointment.  Then I’ll likely write about Tribal Obstetrics, loosely modeled after the chapter of the same title in Dr. Wagner’s Born In the USA.

Vague Musings

It feels like an eternity since I wrote anything authentic and of substance, but I’m fighting my way back.  I’ve been in survival mode, in a way, since finding out I was pregnant in December.  I was excited and terrified, and it was all I could do to stay sane and work my job and meet my family’s needs.  Now that I am 24 weeks pregnant and doing well, the semester is nearly over, and family life will be more simple with me in town, it’s time to direct my attention to me and these babies!

I have had a lot of ultrasounds with this pregnancy.  As much as I have read about the controversy regarding the safety of ultrasound (search for Sarah Buckley’s articles on the subject, for instance), they were absolutely necessary for me and my husband.  I’ve also noticed things . . . like Baby A seems to be a pretty “chill” baby and insists on snuggling down on top of the birth canal.  Baby B, on the other hand, appears to be a terror.  Heartrate is usually about 10 points higher than her sibling’s, and this baby is always in motion.

I’m concerned about my pelvis and sacrum – they’ve already been giving me grief.  Thankfully my visits to the chiropractor help with this immensely.  My chiropractor also helps release excess tension in my round ligaments.  But the babies seem to prefer breech and transverse positions.  Rats!  I’m only 24 weeks, so there’s time, I know this, but again, the pattern they have established has been marked by malposition.

I haven’t talked to my OB about VBAC since our first appointment back in January.  He’s the most likely OB in town to support VBAC, natural birth of twins, and even twin VBAC.  However, my history has him a bit spooked.  Perhaps the babies’ presentations will take all of this out of the equasion, I don’t know, but it is getting close to time to talk with him about natural birth again.  Hopefully by now he can tell that I’m not some ill-informed, emotionally-driven crazy feminist or something.  I don’t know.  But I don’t look forward to revisiting the issue with him.

I haven’t been proactive about pregnancy exercise or further education.  I’m rereading sections of The Business of Being Born, and that’s helping me find my fire again, I think.  I also just e-mailed a doula/CBE in my community for advice.  I’m hoping to review My Best Birth sometime in the near future – I’m sure that’ll help.  I should probably read something by Michel Odent, Silent Knife (Wainer), or Pushed (Block).

I just feel very alone.  Sure on-line communities help . . . they’re awesome support, but they don’t substitute for face-to-face support.  The natural birth community here lost much momentum and power when Dr. Montgomery died.  He ran the only free-standing birth center and employed a handful of talented, caring CNMs.  We’re down to two CNMs in town who have hospital priviledges.  I’ve been risked out of homebirth because of the twins, so I’m forced to “choose” the hospital.  As I posted at another location today, “I’m at McDonalds trying to fashion a crappy meat-like patty into a steak.”

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