What Can I Say?

I am so out of the loop when it comes to anything having to do with reproduction these days.  I’m not in the loop . . . I’m not in the outskirts or the suburbs.  I’m off the grid.  However, a new comment on my ever “popular” miscarriage and hormones post made me feel compelled to post an update.

Random thoughts about life, birth, and the like . . .

• My 1/2 acre yard and gardens are in disastrous condition, but I did plant some annuals today; that made me happy!
• My husband is getting ready to add a second floor to our house – his company is called Aria Construction, and they do fantastic high-end work
• My youngest is now almost 11 months – I still want to smash her into 0-3 mo. clothes…
• The twins will be 3 in August, and they are such a joy and such a torment.  I still can’t believe they are mine!!
• My oldest, age 7, had a stupidly horrible time in 1st grade.  Here’s hoping for rest and recovery this summer and a better experience in 2nd grade.
• No, I’ve still not written my birth story from July 12, 2011 . . . what’s the hang-up?  Well, I still have issues with G’s birth and with a local care provider.  That’s part of it, I’m sure.

Am I recovered from my birth losses?

Yes and no . . . those losses, in a way, made these last three children possible.  However, I still feel an emptiness that will never go away.

Am I recovered from my birthing losses?

Mostly no.  Physical activity causes the adhesions to hurt.  The unevenness in my lower abdomen (fat layer – scar – fat layer) is something I see and feel every day.  Although my VBA2C was a “success,” I feel quite bitter about the last weeks (from 31 weeks to nearly 42 weeks) of my pregnancy.  From 39 weeks onward, every day was a struggle, emotionally.  The birth was stressful.  I didn’t feel a darned thing and had to be told when and how to push.  I didn’t birth my child, but at least I didn’t have to endure her being cut out of my body.

Birth advocacy . . .

I still feel quite out of sorts about childbirth in Missoula and elsewhere.  Any time I see that someone had a cesarean – primary or repeat – I want to know why.  I wish Missoulians seemed to care more about how they birth their babies.  I feel like people either go the homebirth route and mostly enjoy a rewarding birth experience or people sign up for the slaughter.  I know there are good docs and good nurses out there, but I definitely lack trust.  And people don’t know their rights or don’t care that they have rights or don’t know how to exercise their rights when it comes to their own health care.  Everyone else seems to just mind their own business.  <shrug>  I’m planning a few VBAC Resources and Support sessions this year – wish me luck!

Well, that’s where I am today.  I see that Rixa is blogging about important stuff, of course.  See her latest regarding the Human Rights in Childbirth panel.